Friday, August 28th, 2009

I am going to try and get through an entire 8 hour shift without doing any real work. So far, here is what i've done today;

Posted a blog about people who wear clothes that don't fit
Ate a bagel with cream cheese that my co-worker brought in
Called Tony just to ask him how he was and what he was up to
Checked my facebook
Chatted with my boyfriend on Gmail Chat
Texted Darrin about San Francisco back and forth for about 30 minutes
Stared at an excel spreadsheet
Stared at computer screen
Went to the team store and bought a baseball
Read cnn.com article
Read two The Onion articles
Read half of my friend Adams Zine, "I hate the job and i want to die"
Walked to my car and on the way chatted with Casey about our boat trip on Monday
Went and had lunch at Taro's with Claudia, which included my favorite dish and a Sapporo
Organized the envelope stacks in my drawer (uh-oh, borderline REAL work)
Threw away an empty box in my drawer and consolidated the business cards that were in two so they are just in one now
Gave Johnny Doskow two big hugs
Talked to Gabe about having the baseball I bought signed by Jerome Williams for my dad
Talked to Creighton for 2 minutes about title one schools (oops! more almost work)
....and all this brings me to now. 3:21pm. My clients will arrive here in a little less than two hours. During that time, I will email my Matrix report to Creighton, check LOLcats website, probably chat with some folks on Gmail Chat, pee a few times because I need to be drinking water because it's 105 degrees and humid outside,and think about how the heck i'm going to get Clay Timpner to talk to me tonight.
TGIFF!

That doesn't fit you

I was inspired this morning by a friend in Oakland who apparently has been writing zines for years. Made me want to write. And in the midst of a morning of being slightly hungover, tired, and on my 4th day of working 12 hour shifts, I figured it was about time I added another blog to this site. It's been too long, but when you're not inspired, nothing good comes. Now i'm not promising "good" or even "ok" but regardless i'm writing and getting the creative juices flowing is always a good thing. Well, most of the time.
So on to the subject line, "That doesn't fit you". I have become incredibly intrigued as of late by fitness. I find it so amazing that in a world where there are so many things you cannot control, that the one thing you CAN truly control is your body. When you're in your 30's even more so, because back in high school you could eat McDonalds every other day and maintain your weight but now you eat a small fries and you see the results on the scale the next day. Well i'm INTO fitness. I work out at least 3 times a week, and when baseball season ends, I will try for 4 because I will be able to have more of a routine. I am really looking forward to it. Why? Because I care about how I look. Not necessarily for anyone else but myself, because it makes me feel good, but no one can convince me otherwise that when you look slammin' in that bikini that you aren't pretty stoked about the boys looking on. Anyways, that brings me to the point. People who don't care. People who are apparently have NO self awareness whatsover. You have seen these people. They are overweight, and maybe it's a thing they have a hard time controlling, but do you LOOK in the mirror in the morning? That skirt? It doesn't fit you. It doesn't look good. And the shirt? It's 2 sizes too small, and i can literally see your belly button outline through it because its so tight and your belly button looks like a butt crack. NOT GOOD. I have friends who have some extra pounds on them. I would NEVER discriminate against these people. All people have feelings, and I care a lot about my friends. But they have also proven to me that there are clothes that can flatter just about any figure. They have proven to me that they DO look in a mirror before they leave the house and make sure that they look presentable and that nothing is "hanging out". By "hanging out" I mean, your clothes are too small for you, and your back fat is hanging out of the back every time you sit down. You obviously are not self aware, and you don't realize that as i've said before, this does NOT look good.
And then, you go to the kitchen, and you buy yourself a soda, and this is after you have eaten a bagel with WAY too much cream cheese. Same feeling I get when I go to a restaurant, and the largest person in the place is eating their second serving of garlic bread after finishing a huge plate of mashed potatoes and gravy. They don't care. Have they given up? It's sad. Care about yourself! I want to get in their face and yell it. Why don't you care about yourself? Ugh. This just gets to me. But at least the lady in the restaurant eating her buttery treats has clothes on that fit and i don't have to see her midsection overflowing out of her pants and shirt that are from the 80s that MAY have fit her in high school.
done.

I have some questions for the ignorant

When are you finally going to figure it out? Just because you are a guy in a gay bar, what makes you think you are so hot that you are GOING to get hit on? What are you so afraid of, that you might like it? Who taught you how to think, your ignorant fucking parents? Are you brainwashed by your church? Did you grow up thinking there was only one way to think? Did you wear what everyone else was wearing? Are you the guy who laughs just because everyone else is laughing? Do you honestly have a reason why you have decided to out people because they are different from you?
Here's the deal. You need to open your mind. Pretend for one second that you can and make up your own mind for once. It's going to feel good. And hopefully, it will stick. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm bigger and better than you because I can accept people for who they are, and not for their sexual preferences.

a promise by ms. lack of self confidence

I promise to laugh even if the joke isn't that funny. I also promise to laugh if I am offended by the joke, but other people are laughing at it. I promise to pretend to feel totally comfortable in your crowd even though I'd be a lot happier and more comfortable with other people. I promise I won't be confrontational in fear of you judging me and then not being able to be cool enough to laugh at the next comment. I promise that anytime there is a party that I'm not invited to, I'll pretend not to care that I wasn't invited. I promise that if I happen to miss that party, that I am totally and completely entertained and amused hearing all about it for 4 hours on Monday morning. I promise to stop talking immediately if someone that wasn't there a second ago appears. I promise to play it off like it's no big deal. I promise to be fake. I promise not to care, when deep inside, I'd do anything, I mean, ANYTHING, to be invited into your world.

Dear Ex

When we first spoke I skipped. It was almost like someone was really going to care about me. Take care of me. Really invest in me. When we first met, I was beating so fast I almost jumped out. But I kept it together enough to cooperate and be there for many more dates. Then I started to fall. It was kind of scary, but I hung in there, with high hopes. I tried to remain strong, even though at times I felt weak. I had been broken before, but I had healed and continued to beat, even faster at times when you were there. Then you were distant. I think you forgot about me. I continued to beat fast in your presence. I felt myself breaking. I tried to hang in there, but soon I felt a crack, and knew I had to be brave so I could once again be strong. So there I was, broken, but still beating. Growing stronger every day. Except, sometimes, when you send a song, I still beat faster than I should. -Heart

What's with your Entitlement?

One thing I deal with more than anything else these days is people who have this false sense of entitlement. I can't figure out where it comes from. I actually spent a long time trying to figure out the word for this, and then it came to me, and the word is entitlement. What is it with people when they act like they should get things for free, or when they act like things should just happen in their honor, or because their name is Tom, or maybe just because that's what they think they deserve. To me, it's a total lack of respect. In my job, I spend hours upon hours making sure other people are happy. Many times it goes unappreciated, and I'm OK with that, because it's my job. But it's those folks that act like the are entitled to the actions I put forth, entitled to things I do for them, and entitled to things that I haven't even offered them, but they feel they have earned.
And what can I do? Nothing really. Someone should really bring me an ice cream. I'm entitled to it. Why? Because. I said so.

Dear Roseville,

Dear Roseville,
Lately, we've been having some issues I wish to address. First things first, all your complaining about how "far away" you are. Really? The distance between you and I is only a bit over 23 miles. Depending on what part of me you are in, or what part of you that you are coming from. You have been extremely lazy lately, and it's getting old. Quit making excuses. It is not that hard to get here! And another thing, Roseville. You are not better than me. Quit acting so damn pretentious. You are a SUBURB. Congratulations, you just had another CHAIN restaurant open up. Who cares. Call me when you find a personality.
No hard feelings Roseville, but i'm sick and tired of dealing with all of your excuses. And one more thing- tell Granite Bay to suck it.
Regards,
Sacramento